The Sorting Hat Song of 2006
by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: Oneshot. As textualsphinx noted in “A Sorting Song by Severus”, the most popular Sorting Hat song in recent times was written by Cameron Jordon… Complete.


**Title: The Sorting Hat Song of 2006**

**Author: TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel**

**Pairings: None.**

**Story Summary:** **As textualsphinx noted in "A Sorting Song by Severus", the most popular Sorting Hat song in recent times was written by Cameron Jordon….**

**Setting: AU. Set in the same universe as ****textualsphinx's "A Sorting Song by Severus," and "Snape the Knife's Sorting Song."**

**Author notes: **

_Yeah, it doesn't really scan that well, but at least I tried, right?__ I dare all of you to try and write something better!_

_I advise listening to the song while you read this, or at the very least have it properly in your head._

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**PROFESSOR JORDON'S SORTING HAT SONG**

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It is a little-known fact that the Hogwarts Sorting Hat has not written its own songs for some forty years or more, not since a disastrous attempt at Concrete Poetry back in the 1960s. These days it mostly sits in the headmaster's office playing wizarding chess with Dumbledore, and occasionally advising amendments to the History of Magic curriculum. (It appears to have strong feelings on the subject; Dumbledore can recite its rants word-for-word now, and occasionally does so when presented with a properly-appreciative audience.)

In 2006 the staff member chosen by the others to write the sorting hat's annual song was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, the American Cameron Jordon. (The majority of the staff felt it served him right for failing to attend the first staff meeting of the year, hangover or no hangover.)

Professor Jordon, when the news was broken to him, received it with an enthusiastic "awesome! I'll get right on it!" that set alarm bells ringing in the minds of the shrewder members of staff. Being a Brooklyn boy, Professor Jordon was quite familiar with certain forms of popular dance and music, and immediately threw himself into creating something that would make his 'homies' proud.

And so, on the first day of term, the Sorting Hat sang its first ever rap song to the tune of "Nod Ya Head (Black Suits Comin')" by Will Smith, Professor Jordon kindly providing back-up vocals. Like all good rap songs, it reflected recent and current political events, although this wasn't entirely appreciated by the other teachers.

**oo o0o oo**

**(1)**

I am the Sorting Hat

I'm back using the knack so I can Sort yous all, mac

So can the flack, yo'

I'm a Legimens, where you go depends

On what I've read, inside of y'alls heads

Praise me y'all, don't nothin' faze me, y'all

I've read Dark Lords minfds that be all crazy, y'all

I'm not just a hat, trust me if they say that

Out of nowhere come the secrets of the Sorting Hat

Old Mmagic, sharp mind, tart mood

Smart hat with the smart attitude

New song, each year, I'm singin', man

New dangers, new warnings, I'm bringin', mman

Don't you understand, what you thought I wouldn't come again

Leave your hangin' without bringin' you my song again

Warmin' yous 'bout the Dark Lord scum again

Brace your minds kids I'll be coming in

**(chorus)**

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see you bop ya head, nod ya head, come on

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

_(Nod ya head…. head… head…)_

**(2)**

Check it, yo'

There's this House right

Slytherin making me sick, right

Muggles be worthless to them, they be trippin' like

Threatenin' Potter and friends, trying to attack the Light

Thinkin' they're superior, boy they are a sight

Finishin' whatever you start, man

The Aurors will be happy to put you in Azkaban

Better act right, play nice and sing along

Coz Potter is back and he hyped, what, bring it on

**(chorus)**

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see you bop ya head, nod ya head, come on

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

_(Nod ya head…. head… head…)_

**(3)**

Check it, check it

Yo', Gryffindor bros, erase all foes

Crush the wave of darkness, put on a show

And Ravenclaw, they use the law

Unspeakables, half their graduates are

(So disregard what you think you saw

Put that powder down now, who you think you Flooin', huh

One little 'obliviate', goodnight dear

Just open your eyes honey, look right here, thank you)

And the hufflepuffs, I mean it, they won't be defeated

Loyal friends help out when their reserves're depleted

Darkness defenders, watch what you do next

The Light'll get you on any pretext

Ladies & gentlemen, boys & girls

All the Light Houses gonna protect the world

When the enemy is near, the D.A.'s here;

Darkness fear

**(chorus)**

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see you bop ya head, nod ya head, come on

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

_(Nod ya head…. head… head…)_

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see you bop ya head, nod ya head, come on

Nod ya head _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya _(nod ya head)_ like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

Let me see ya nod ya head like this _(the Hat is Sorting)_

_(Nod ya head…. head… head…)_

**oo o0o oo**

Afterwards Professor Jordon got into a great deal of trouble over his song; most felt that his blatant portrayal of Slytherin as law-breaking Dark wizards was 'untrue' and the general dislike of Slytherins expressed 'inappropriate.' The students of Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff however were delighted by the song and the fact that it portrayed them as 'good guys'; and the lyrics concerning Slytherins, they felt, were quite accurate. As for the D.A., they were pleased that the adeptness shown in battles past was noted.

It is also worth noting that after the song was sung at the beginning of year, a number of students requested information about the Unspeakables and their department; at the end of 2006 there was a much larger number of applicants for trainee positions in the Dept. of Mysteries. They weren't all Ravenclaws, for once, either.

Finally, it should also be recorded that while Harry Potter was not happy to be the subject of a Sorting Hat song, he grudgingly admitted that given the song's reprisal of recent history it was perhaps reasonable that he be mentioned.


End file.
